Me, I and myself

NB: Apologies if this post is a bit too much ‘out there’, but I wanted to put it down as it helps me pinning down my monkey mind. The first few week in the year were hard. I’m not sure why, but I could feel myself drift off again towards that gaping hole of feeling unworthy.

It is the end of January, and it is the first time since my ‘Summer of Change’ half a year ago that I manage to slow down, relax and reflect on what has happened since, take stock of the thoughts that flooded my mind and made me adjust my direction, the realisations and new truths. This sounds rather grand, but it is not really – please bear with me. Continue reading

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Bring it on

Happy New Year my friends! May this be an exciting, positive and fun year for all of you! I want to be more relaxed, more focused on myself and my own needs, I will avoid those energy-sucking people around me as much as possible, and surround myself with those that fill my vitality bucket (to say it with Jonathan Field’s words). Continue reading

What happened?

I realise I haven’t posted anything for quite a while. I was looking for inspiration. Just now, at 2am, I felt the urge to write at least a short note…

I’ve been thinking a lot about my age lately, where I stand in life right now, where this is compared to how I envisaged my life to be – and one thought keeps coming to my mind: What the hell happened? Continue reading

Be kind to yourself

If you have an Apple device you are well aware of the regular updates you have to run to ensure that your phone or tablet continues to run smoothly. The performance of apps improves with every update, ideally. So, even though you may be annoyed that something doesn’t work 100%, with the next update it is sorted and you do not waste a thought on how less good it performed before the update. Update – new version – sorted. So why is it that we beat ourselves up for actions from months or years ago? Continue reading

The end of an era

I realise I haven’t been writing for a while now. I needed to sort things in my head, it was and sometimes still is such a mess. Using tools and techniques I learned at the retreat, trying to incorporate the thinking into my daily routines, trying to keep my head above the water when I felt like sinking into an emotional spiral again, keeping close contact to the wonderful friends I made at the retreat. In short – I was busy ;-). Continue reading

I wanna be loved by you

So many love songs… ‘I wanna be loved by you, just you, nobody else but you’, ‘All you  need is love, da da da-da-daaa’… And so many more, this is just what literally came to my mind within a second. They all say it… LOVE.

I am in a weird mood this evening. I came home and was all of a sudden hit by a bang of loneliness. Sometimes I feel so lonely, even though my diary is full, filled with activities for each day and meet ups with friends and acquaintances to keep me occupied and my mind busy. Continue reading

Calm down, girl or Onwards and upwards

These have been a few emotional weeks, or rather months. I am exhausted. After a proper and painful meltdown this week I decided that this is not me, I am not this person who is giving in and wallowing in pain and heartache, sitting at home breaking down in tears, feeling sorry for myself. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I cannot let someone make me do this to myself, even if that person doesn’t have a clue what’s going on behind the scenes. 😉 I am (*must repeat it over and over again*) a strong woman, who confronts issues head-on and who does not give up. Continue reading

Thank you and 2016, here I come!

It’s been quite a year. 2015 was a year of many firsts. One of them was that I started writing this blog. It is strangely satisfying, I learn about myself and hopefully reach you guys. It makes me happy if only one of you can relate to what I write. I never thought I would write down my experiences and what’s going on in that complicated heart of mine, but now I am enjoying it. 6 months of writing and 23 articles, not bad I reckon ;-). Continue reading