Preamble: Apologies for the rambling, it may all make little sense…
I met this guy. Such a nice, funny, smart and kind guy. We had a whirlwind four dates in one week. And then things started to level out a bit (we have now been dating for 6 weeks). Why? Because he comes with ‘baggage’.
I mean, we all come with ‘baggage’, which really only means ‘history’. We all have lived a life, we have had experiences that form us. But this experience now is all new to me – a whole new world. Dating a single dad, a devoted dad I proudly say. I never had to navigate anything like it and let me be honest, it is bloody hard. It is confusing and I feel I should be aware of invisible boundaries that I don’t even know exist.
I really like this guy, a lot. And I am pretty sure he likes me too. And I want to spoil the people I like, I am a person who gives lots of herself to those who I hold dear to my heart. So why is this so complicated? Even more complicated than ‘no baggage’ dating, I dare say.
- He is busy with his kids, I don’t want to intrude on his time with them.
- He is busy with work, I definitely don’t want to bother him then.
- He has a very regular schedule looking after his kids, which is great (who wants do date a man who neglects their children?), but this leaves little time for other things.
- He is on very good terms with his ex wife, which is great as well because that’s the best for the children.
There is so much I need to get my head around, there are potential or imaginary trip wires everywhere (at least I feel like that) and I don’t want to upset either of us. Why is my head spinning? What does that say about my own insecurities?
Turns out that a calm attitude is not that easy to achieve. This evening I managed to get so upset about a scenario that started with me offering to buy gingerbread houses (if you missed it, just look at my Twitter feed. Eek!) that I had a little (errm… I admit, it was a medium sized) emotional meltdown. I only had the best intentions but it may well have backfired. And it may all also only have been a storyline in my head…
So now I sit in bed way past midnight, hoping that tomorrow all will turn out to be ok. That he only freaked out/ was stressed, after all it is also a new situation for him and we’ll talk it through and will be fine. (I am trying the pep talk thing here, can’t convince myself yet though…)
Am I being dramatic? Probably. Definitely. But I like him too much. So I ordered a book about attachment styles and hope this will help me understand better. I guess that my ‘baggage’ is doubting that I ever will be good enough that someone would stay with me, despite my monkey mind.
Have your fingers crossed for me. Pretty please. (And thanks for listening!)
3 thoughts on “Comes with baggage”
It’s so complicated isn’t it. I dated a guy with kids when I was fairly newly single, and I was kept very much in the every other weekend box. My only advice would be to not to be the first to say anything at all about meeting kids or doing anything related to kids – it has to come from him at his pace. In six months if that hasn’t happened then definitely question where it is going, but till then even though it’s hard to swallow it’s a good way to show that you know kids come first. I never did get any further since it turned out I was firmly in the “casual” box but that doesn’t sound like the case here, which is great! Good luck x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Although at this point I don’t know in which box I am at all… 😞 Not sure it’s looking good…
Oh balls, sorry it’s not proving straightforward 😕 Bother bother bother