Preamble: Apologies for the rambling, it may all make little sense…
I met this guy. Such a nice, funny, smart and kind guy. We had a whirlwind four dates in one week. And then things started to level out a bit (we have now been dating for 6 weeks). Why? Because he comes with ‘baggage’.
I mean, we all come with ‘baggage’, which really only means ‘history’. We all have lived a life, we have had experiences that form us. But this experience now is all new to me – a whole new world. Dating a single dad, a devoted dad I proudly say. I never had to navigate anything like it and let me be honest, it is bloody hard. It is confusing and I feel I should be aware of invisible boundaries that I don’t even know exist.
I really like this guy, a lot. And I am pretty sure he likes me too. And I want to spoil the people I like, I am a person who gives lots of herself to those who I hold dear to my heart. So why is this so complicated? Even more complicated than ‘no baggage’ dating, I dare say.
- He is busy with his kids, I don’t want to intrude on his time with them.
- He is busy with work, I definitely don’t want to bother him then.
- He has a very regular schedule looking after his kids, which is great (who wants do date a man who neglects their children?), but this leaves little time for other things.
- He is on very good terms with his ex wife, which is great as well because that’s the best for the children.
There is so much I need to get my head around, there are potential or imaginary trip wires everywhere (at least I feel like that) and I don’t want to upset either of us. Why is my head spinning? What does that say about my own insecurities?
Turns out that a calm attitude is not that easy to achieve. This evening I managed to get so upset about a scenario that started with me offering to buy gingerbread houses (if you missed it, just look at my Twitter feed. Eek!) that I had a little (errm… I admit, it was a medium sized) emotional meltdown. I only had the best intentions but it may well have backfired. And it may all also only have been a storyline in my head…
So now I sit in bed way past midnight, hoping that tomorrow all will turn out to be ok. That he only freaked out/ was stressed, after all it is also a new situation for him and we’ll talk it through and will be fine. (I am trying the pep talk thing here, can’t convince myself yet though…)
Am I being dramatic? Probably. Definitely. But I like him too much. So I ordered a book about attachment styles and hope this will help me understand better. I guess that my ‘baggage’ is doubting that I ever will be good enough that someone would stay with me, despite my monkey mind.
Have your fingers crossed for me. Pretty please. (And thanks for listening!)