These have been a few emotional weeks, or rather months. I am exhausted. After a proper and painful meltdown this week I decided that this is not me, I am not this person who is giving in and wallowing in pain and heartache, sitting at home breaking down in tears, feeling sorry for myself. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I cannot let someone make me do this to myself, even if that person doesn’t have a clue what’s going on behind the scenes. 😉 I am (*must repeat it over and over again*) a strong woman, who confronts issues head-on and who does not give up.
So here I am. This morning I woke up, the sun was shining, Spring has finally arrived. And I decided to move on, that this is it, it’s enough. I decided that if someone doesn’t seem to be interested in me, I will not waste too much of my energy anymore to be interested in him. If someone doesn’t invest in me, I will not invest in him. It should be an equal giving and taking, and there was not a lot of giving to me lately. I am turning this around now, and will put myself first for a change.
I also started looking into meditation and mindfulness. This I will keep doing, I think it will be useful – I have a tendency to get emotional and involved too quickly, so those techniques will come in handy. Ha ha! It’s a strange feeling to concentrate on yourself, and to learn to be aware of yourself. I usually do a lot of soul-searching, but this is different. It helps me to silence to constant chattering of my mind, to stop the spinning and sometimes overdrive of my head.
If you have any suggestions regarding meditation and mindfulness, please let me know. I will give it a try, it can only have a positive impact, right?
I feel relieved that I seem to have put this behind me. I cannot, of course, promise to stick to it and to not have a meltdown again soon, but I will try to better keep check of myself.
And I still believe in love and hope to somehow/ somewhere accidentally bump into my Mr Right. Onwards and upwards. 🙂
PS: Thanks to my beautiful friends, who have held my hand and helped me through this. I love you!