The end of an era

I realise I haven’t been writing for a while now. I needed to sort things in my head, it was and sometimes still is such a mess. Using tools and techniques I learned at the retreat, trying to incorporate the thinking into my daily routines, trying to keep my head above the water when I felt like sinking into an emotional spiral again, keeping close contact to the wonderful friends I made at the retreat. In short – I was busy ;-). Continue reading

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Hyperactive mind

Only one day has passed since ‘the talk’ was arranged, two more to go. And I am telling you, today felt twice as long as any other normal day… I have replayed a thousand times every word that was said, every gesture and move that was made. I analysed every syllable and double checked its meaning with my friends. Continue reading

Unexpected turn of events

The story with friend guy continues, even though I am not sure for how much longer. If you haven’t read my previous posts, just to recap: we met in November, went on two dates and then he told me, that he wasn’t into dating right now but would like to stay friends. Since then we went out quite a number of times, spent time at each other’s places, cooked dinners and always had a fabulous time. I genuinely enjoy his company, and I think he enjoys mine.

So it was a natural decision to ask him to be my +1 at a friend’s wedding, which took place the last weekend. Continue reading

I wanna be loved by you

So many love songs… ‘I wanna be loved by you, just you, nobody else but you’, ‘All you  need is love, da da da-da-daaa’… And so many more, this is just what literally came to my mind within a second. They all say it… LOVE.

I am in a weird mood this evening. I came home and was all of a sudden hit by a bang of loneliness. Sometimes I feel so lonely, even though my diary is full, filled with activities for each day and meet ups with friends and acquaintances to keep me occupied and my mind busy. Continue reading

Calm down, girl or Onwards and upwards

These have been a few emotional weeks, or rather months. I am exhausted. After a proper and painful meltdown this week I decided that this is not me, I am not this person who is giving in and wallowing in pain and heartache, sitting at home breaking down in tears, feeling sorry for myself. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I cannot let someone make me do this to myself, even if that person doesn’t have a clue what’s going on behind the scenes. 😉 I am (*must repeat it over and over again*) a strong woman, who confronts issues head-on and who does not give up. Continue reading

Enough is enough

When is enough ‘enough’? How much can we take until we break down, until we give up, until we give in, until we say ‘whatever, but make it stop’?

I often wonder whether I endure too much pain and heartache until I let go. And also, is it really worth it? Is anyone or anything worth it that you go through such a low and painful period? Is it worth it loosing so much of yourself in the process that your healing or recuperation time takes forever until you feel normal and yourself again? Continue reading

Rollercoaster

Where should I start? The past few weeks my heart and mind went through a rollercoaster of epic proportions. At the moment the cart is racing downhill, so apologies if I sound a bit gloomy.

You remember the guy I met who only wanted to be friends? He is a great guy, we met quite a few time since then and every time we have the best time. We get on remarkably well, do lots of interesting stuff together and really enjoy each other’s company. Continue reading

What is happiness?

I spend an amazing day yesterday with the guy who is now my new friend (I call him no-third-date-guy ;-)) We get on so well, and I confess I am still hoping for more… But that’s not the topic of this blog. At the end of the day we watched the movie ‘Hector and the Search for Happiness’. If you haven’t seen it yet, go and watch it! Such a beautiful movie!

But it made me think: what makes me happy? And even though I do agree with most of the findings of the film, I am not sure if I could come up with it by myself. So let me take a few examples from the movie. Continue reading

From date to friend

Once in a while it happens that I go on a date and think ‘I don’t fancy that guy, but I’d really like to be friends with him’. I may have suggested it once or twice, but nothing ever came out of it. Did they think ‘What the hell, this is not what I signed up for’ or ‘If I can’t date you, you won’t have anything of me’ or anything like it? It’s hurt speaking, or pride, and I don’t judge them for it, it is a natural reaction I guess. So I am wondering: is it possible to be friends with someone you first met with romantic intentions? Continue reading