Where should I start? The past few weeks my heart and mind went through a rollercoaster of epic proportions. At the moment the cart is racing downhill, so apologies if I sound a bit gloomy.
You remember the guy I met who only wanted to be friends? He is a great guy, we met quite a few time since then and every time we have the best time. We get on remarkably well, do lots of interesting stuff together and really enjoy each other’s company. I am really happy when we meet, not only because he is genuinely interested in me, but because we have so much in common, and it feels just right. I am smiling inside and out. That’s why sometimes my mind and heart cannot keep up. Call me stupid or naïve or blind… But it just feels so great, effectively we are going on lots of amazing dates without any romantic moves. It feels so weird, that I don’t know if I should call it quits and say ‘I want all or nothing’ or if I should just enjoy that special relationship we have. One day I am perfectly fine with the ‘just friends’ set-up and the next day I want to shout at him ‘Can’t you see that we are missing out on something great?!’.
I feel a little sorry for my friends, who have to listen to me and my crazy guessing game *sheepish look*. I can see that it’s rather irrational, but I just can’t help it. So I rely on my friends to set my head straight! They have permission to be cruelly honest! 😉 I have very few, but very dear friends who are true enough to do this.
Now, the question is how long will it take to sink in and force me to decide where I have to draw the line. Friends keep telling me to stop this altogether, but so far I can’t get myself to do it. I really do believe he is a great guy, and can (and does when we meet) add something positive to my life. And yes, I admit, there is also still the quiet hope that he comes to his senses and realises what a great women I am.
I agree: I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself! I am normally not like that, I am a go-getter, optimistic and fun. I don’t like myself being trapped in this cycle. Another reason for me to feel bad, to see how it changes my personality.
We all go through this, I know, there is nothing special about my situation. It doesn’t make me feel better about myself, but at least I am in good company. 😉 Someone just told me, that guys are not sitting around wallowing, they’d go out and have fun. Mhh, I guess I need to go out dating again. Eek! Not sure if I can face it again, but to be honest, it can’t play any more havoc with my heart than this situation. Wish me luck guys, and strength. 🙂