The story with friend guy continues, even though I am not sure for how much longer. If you haven’t read my previous posts, just to recap: we met in November, went on two dates and then he told me, that he wasn’t into dating right now but would like to stay friends. Since then we went out quite a number of times, spent time at each other’s places, cooked dinners and always had a fabulous time. I genuinely enjoy his company, and I think he enjoys mine.
So it was a natural decision to ask him to be my +1 at a friend’s wedding, which took place the last weekend. The build up was emotional and not good for my heart (apologies to my friends, and thanks – you saved me!). I was rather nervous last week until I had his final confirmation (he did confirm before, so why did I not trust him?). We met at the train station, and my heart jumped when I saw him. We hadn’t seen each other for 4 weeks (we used to meet up every week). He looked super smart, he was his charming and lovely self, even our outfits were colour coordinated without any mentioning of what I would be wearing.
My friends welcomed him with open arms, they loved him. The guys texted me the next day to say ‘he’s so cool, we want to hang out with him!’, the girls were like ‘you’re such a great couple’. We danced, laughed, had quite a few drinks. When we arrived at the hotel where the party would take place we went to the bar to get some drinks. On the board were a number of cocktails, some with saucy names and we were joking about it. I told him, that we could consider any of ‘that’ but that it would be against the rules he set up at the beginning, but that rules can be renegotiated. He laughed and said ‘thank goodness for that’. Later in the afternoon he took my hand and held it whilst we were chatting with my friends, when dancing he kissed me, and didn’t let go of me all evening.
So when it was time to leave he asked if I want to come back to his place. I said yes, of course. And I do not regret it. The next morning, when you could expect regret and him wanting to keep his distance, he was the complete opposite. We had breakfast in bed, watched a movie, were chatting and laughing – but never addressed the big fat elephant in the room. I was racking my brain whether to say something, in the end I didn’t. And this I regretted a few hours later. We had crossed a line, and I do not know where I stand. I even have less a clue than I had before, when I was banned to my ‘friendship zone’.
He kissed me goodbye, but does that mean anything? So today my nervous tummy re-appeared. And although I promised myself to not let this effect me, and I agree with all the good advice I receive to ignore/ move on/ not to care so much – I can’t. I feel it’s physically not possible. I need to know what’s going on in his mind. And one thing we promised each other again on Saturday to always be honest with each other.
So no playing games. No waiting if he contacts me. I texted him this evening if we could meet for a sober chat. And he said yes! And he hopes there is no awkwardness between us. Which I can confirm, there isn’t. So we will talk, in three days after work. I am nervous, but at the same time feel much calmer than this afternoon. All will be out in the open in a few days, and I will know where I stand – either way.
My friend took him aside on Saturday and asked outright, what he was waiting for. That it was obvious that he likes and fancies me. He admitted that he liked me a lot, but was not ready for something serious and was sorting ‘stuff’ out. She said it sounded like ex girlfriend stuff, but that’s only speculation.
I really do hope that this is the beginning of something. But who knows. I will know soon, and hopefully be able to calm down a bit. a few weeks ago I found a saying, that is now the headline picture of this post. It describes perfectly how I feel about him, and I will tell him on Thursday.
You make my heart smile!
Apologies for the rambling, and the rather detailed ‘report’. And it all may seem negligible and even childish/ I may sound like a teenager. But as I said before: if it is about the matters of my heart, my brain switches off’.