One topic that frustrates and angers me again and again (and this week is such a time) is the lack of willingness to commit. Not only to commit to romantic relationships, that would justify a post on its own.
I’m talking about commitment to friends, to dates and activities, to meet up and have a good time. For me it happens far too often, that for example friends would not agree straight away to go out at the weekend, or to go to this or that event if you don’t have to purchase tickets in advance. What is it about always wanting to keep your options open, deciding on the very last minute what you want to do. And to then tell your friend at that said last minute that he/she is being ditched because something better came up. Nice one, thanks.
Does anyone think about how that makes the other person feel? Not only were they looking forward to catching up etc. and are now being told that they are not as important, but were also denied the possibility to make alternative arrangements. If you are not sure in the first place, do not agree to join with throwing in a ‘placeholder card’, but rather admit it is not your thing. Then the other person has the chance to check with other friends and will appreciate your honesty more then the pretence.
Also, as a friend you should not do that. You either have time to spend with someone or not (I am not mentioning wanting to spend time – I take that as a given). I have learned it the hard way, that people who are flaky and jump between offers are not real friends, but only acquaintances. You should not rely on them, they may have ‘better things to do’ when you re hitting a rough patch.
So, differentiate between friends and those you meet at parties and on a night out. Do not bank on them if you need support, and do not make them your first option when you need commitment. But still, do not shut the door, because sometimes a special acquaintance will become the best friend.
And after all, good friends are what makes the world go round and so much more fun!