It has been a while since I wrote last, and this post will be short. It is now 5 months ago that I tried to put my deep pain into words. My world broke apart and I shattered into pieces, and I have since tried to put myself back together, bit by bit, shell by shell.
At times I can still break out in tears when I think back to these days. It’s not been that long ago and the wounds have not healed yet. Patched over, I am trying not to pick the scabs but it takes a lot of willpower not to fall back into sadness. I see the sensible explanations of why he was not the right man for me, I hear you. My brain understands it, but I do catch my heart still thinking differently about it every now and then.
These strange times (Corona virus lockdown, I am currently 10 weeks and 2 days in) does not make it easier. I worry about him, about his dad and wider family. I care about all of them. But they are a family unit that is closely knit, I am on my own and I have to admit, I don’t think any of them worry about me.
Anyway… I don’t want to distract from reason for this post. A video chat with a group of friends today made me realise this: I have come far. And I am proud of it. Whoop! I am making the most of what I have, of the time I have, with the friends I have, taking the opportunities as they come along. I am not a bad person and unworthy of love. I was shattered into a thousand pieces and I am not sure how I did it, but somehow I mustered the strength to put myself back together. And you know what? I still have hope. Hope to love again. Hope to meet the person who will love me as much. So I am moving on. I embarked on my #movingonadventures, learning a new sport, meeting new people, drawing up new plans.
Life goes on. Onwards and upwards. Love will find me.
And he will regret that he lost me. Sooner or later.
One thought on “Pieced together”
You will come back stronger, the shock and the hurt will fade. You are fabulous and certainly not unworthy of love. Xx
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