This morning I found a quote I quite liked. You know how much I love a good quote. 🙂
I posted it on Twitter and received quite a few different comments. So I put it out there during lunch break with a few colleagues. It sparked an interesting discussion, which made me think about where I stand on this issue (I do admit, I think about too many issues like that). Am I really a strong single woman, who just doesn’t want to give in and live in a mediocre relationship, or am I too picky (oh, how I loathe this statement), or am I wandering around without a specific aim, or am I just unlucky?
I wonder, why would women (or men for that matter) settle for something moderately satisfying, instead of aiming to find that someone special? How much of yourself are you giving up when we allow ourselves to not reach for the best, something or someone that would make us happy and help us grow? Are we tempted to give in to social pressure and settle with whoever is around at that moment? Can we convince ourselves that OK is better than Nothing, even though it’s not Amazing?
Or are we hoping for the impossible, for the wa-wa-whoom, for the fireworks and sparkles? Are we blinded by Disney’s image of the perfect happy-ever-after and forget, that love, friendship and passion can grow? I have discussed this in a post before, but we are in a generation that seems to be waiting for the impossible, not prepared to compromise and always on the look-out. Have we forgotten that we have to build a relationship? That it starts with tiny, fragile pebbles, until you grow together and construct your life with solid bricks and transform it into a safe and proper unit (excuse the construction analogy 😉 ).
Not to forget something very important: to be happy in any kind of relationship you first have to be happy with yourself. You should have learned to be content with your own company. Only then can you complement your partner.
So who does it the right way around? Is there a right way? I think I am somewhere in-between. Where do I go wrong? Am I too rigid, not compromising enough? Are my expectations too high? Or is it the guys who have too high expectations? It happened a few times to me that I was very happy with what we had, but the guy was always on the lookout for the princess in her glass shoes. But hey, guys, this girl does not exist! The same as the prince on the white horse is only a fantasy. Stop hoping for the impossible, and start investing.
I will go on a holiday in a few days, and on a personal journey to find my inner calm again. I promised myself that after this break I will change my approach to dating. From then on I will focus on myself first, and my dating life will be quality over quantity. Hopefully I will avoid the draining experiences (i.e. idiots, twats, time wasters) and have more promising encounters.
So remember: (1) be happy, (2) we don’t live in a Disney world, (3) build your relationship, (4) don’t give up too much of yourself.
Good luck (to you and me both)!
One thought on “Disney prince or Compromise”
Its not supposed to be perfect, but if two people (or one) are ‘forced’ or ‘compromised’ into growing in ways that they think that is in their best interests or in a way that they need to grow, and that growth, no matter how hard it may seem to people on the outside, is a positive thing.
At the point that they stop growing, or where that development becomes toxic, then the relationship ends. Maybe people don’t have to be 100% compatible, but they have to be on the same frequency when it comes to each other’s growth – and they have to accept it.