Hallelujah! Having turned 40 a few months ago, I think I have figured it out. Finally. At least for me. I believe I know what I want to do in the next few years (because ‘forever’ seems too long). And I am so, so excited! It feels weird, soothing, calming and reassuring.Since attending the Retreat in 2016 I have been thinking about what my purpose is, what is it that I want to do that makes me happy? I just did not have a clue, not an inkling. I only knew what I did not want – which I guess is a start. I’ve tested and explored many options, and that probably inched me closer to finding ‘my thing’. I had many conversations with fellow travellers during my last holiday, interestingly we were all sort of aligned with regard to values and vision. I guess it is true when they say ‘you attract similar souls’. We had plenty of time to talk during hikes and quieter hours in the evening, I had lots to digest and there it was – crystal clear, right in front of my eyes (well, in my mind). All of a sudden I knew what I want to do professionally and in my personal life. It seemed so simple – why did it take me so long to realise? And it made so much sense. I was a little shellshocked, but believe me, I acted fast. Before I had returned home from my holiday I had applied for necessary courses and funding, wrote sponsorship letters and bought a notebook to plan and sketch out this new chapter of my life, and to tick off achievements and capture and celebrate every little step along the way. The courses and funding was approved a week ago, I have enrolled already. Eek!
Purpose – why is it so difficult to figure it out? Or was I the odd one out? Are we just content with ‘plodding along’, fitting in, doing what is expected and not dare the leap to listen to our hearts and souls, but rather be safe and sound? Does it need a big event, something that shakes you up, that opens your eyes to see that there is more. That you just need to figure out what the more is for you? Are your eyes wide shut?
I have found my purpose. I feel this is right for me. I am full of energy, the goal in mind. Only a few trusted people know about it, those who I know will support me and cheer me on. I want to avoid the doubters and those who always find something to criticise, and people stepping on my dream.
The Cloths of Heaven
Had I the heaven’s embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light ant the half-light;
I would spend the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
My friends, I am so excited! And at the same time I am freaking out! Big change is lying ahead of me, big things to come this year. Wish me luck, perseverance and stand by me.